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REVENGE SEX ; How To Know You’re Having It

Published October 1, 2012 by lionessallison

The definition of “revenge” is the opportunity to gain satisfaction through retaliation. And in some cases, we seek our revenge in bed.

While revenge sex might not feel like a way of taking the moral high road, this act, both emotionally charged and carnally fueled, the impulse to have it is thoroughly human. Sometimes you may be having it without even realizing you are. (Was Emily Thorne in a sexual relationship with Daniel Grayson because she loved him? Or was it all part of her plan for retribution, the sex included?)
So how do you know you’re having revenge sex?

I’ve conducted a very non-scientific study, interviewing a few New York City professionals about what constitutes revenge sex, why we indulge in it, and how to identify when your latest tryst is in all or in part about seeking payback.
You’re trying to remind a former flame what he or she is missing. You’ve parted ways with your significant other, but, as is often the case, unresolved issues about the relationship are eating you up. Your friends don’t want to hear about it any more (“Come on, you’re broken up!”), and seeing a shrink is not in your budget. So, you get this fabulous idea to seduce your ex and give him or her a taste of the past.

Your intent is to punish your ex and emerge from the experience in a position of power. And we all know what an aphrodisiac power can be. But as the Black Keys say, a broken heart is blind. Revenge sex will not resolve your issues with your ex, it will only enmesh you with the person all over again. “When going through a break-up, sometimes you just have to let go of the questions: why did this happen? You just have to accept it’s over and move on,” said Amelia, an advertising exec. “Physical distance from the person is pretty crucial — you really want to keep [that]. Sex will only entangle you with [the person] again, and make it that much harder to move on.”

You’re having it to avoid your sadness. My friend Brian, a physical trainer, told me that his ex sent him a text message about how great her new boyfriend was: what a cool job he had, how much money he made, how much they clicked. “She even had the gaul to say they were having great sex.” I told Brian his ex was pretty messed up, and not only that, the text was rather cruel and immature. “Yeah,” he said. “I cried for a week and then I put all my energy into giving the girl I’m seeing multiple orgasms.” Although I’m happy for Brian’s new girl (she may be a rebound, but at least she’s having a good time), I’m more concerned about Brian. By not addressing his sadness, he’s making it harder for himself to move on and see his ex for who she really might be. And although he’s giving his new girl lots (and lots) of physical pleasure, he’s using her to validate the inadequacies his ex’s text tapped into (which by the way elongates the circle as the new girl will get hurt and God help if she doesn’t react the same) . His revenge sex is a waste of his time; he should be making himself feel good and reminding himself what an awesome guy he is.

You’re having it to express your anger. In certain situations, instead of telling someone you’re angry with them, it’s tempting to hurt them emotionally by exploiting their sexual attraction to you. Let’s say there’s a person you know has a crush on you but has also wronged you in some way. The truth is, sometimes people do mean or insensitive things to the people they’re attracted to. (Remember the playground? Sadly, dating can be painfully similar.) Rather than informing the person straight up that he or she has hurt your feelings, you might feel the urge to exact revenge by sleeping with him or her, giving the brief impression that you feel the attraction, too, then walking away. “What a mistake,” reflects Tara, a publicist who took this tack. “I felt so bad during it, and now I feel like I messed up something that could have been a relationship down the line. The whole time we were doing it, I just kept thinking how mad I was at him for being such a jerk to me. It was a total turn-off. And now he thinks I’m bad in bed.”

Someone cheated on you, so you pay that experience forward. Eddie, who came home to find his longterm girlfriend in bed with another man, was so devastated that after he ended his relationship, all he wanted to do was have sex with someone else’s girlfriend. “I knew it was wrong, but by seeking out an affair, I was no longer the victim.” In reality, the two situations are completely disconnected, and Eddie’s affair couldn’t change the fact that he was cheated on. “Of course the affair I had ended terribly. On top of that, I was guilt-ridden about inflicting pain on some guy because I knew exactly how that felt.” Feeling wronged can be traumatic, there’s no denying that. But living through the emotions rather than trying to turn the tables is a faster way to heal.

You feel used, so you use someone else. “I went through a brutal breakup where I was convinced I’d literally been dumped like trash,” says Genevieve, a fashion trendcaster. “I felt run over. There was a point when I couldn’t cry any more. I was numb. Then there was this boy, and I mean boy, because he was ten years younger than me. He was actually begging to come home with me. So I did it hoping that sleeping with him would snap me out of my coma.” Genevieve’s revenge sex was her reaction to the emotional beating she took during her break-up. “I used this boy,” Genevieve continues, “to get back at the men who hurt me. I was actually was thinking in the back of my head about how I was literally using him — I’ll go as far to say that I belittled him. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing, but for two days after, I was euphoric.” That’s the thing about revenge sex. Even when it’s the wrong thing to do, it doesn’t always feel like it; it can also make you feel like you’re floating above all the toxicity that you’ve been experiencing in your life. Just know that eventually, you come down.

And while revenge sex never really works for me, though I doubt I’ve ever been in one, I just take the anger out on myself, my work (positively) and ofcause any unfortunate guy that comes along is treated very rashly.

——— LionessAllison

LionessAllison
ILÉKTRA REPUBLIC
C.E.O

LRQuarterly Unveils Cover Page

Published September 18, 2012 by lionessallison

Look Republic

After many months of brain storming, meetings, appointments and disappointments, Look Republic is beyond proud to unveil the cover of our debut magazine.

Simplicity at it’s best, Look Republic magazine, is working at breaking ground worldwide. We’re offering 100pages of pure fashion goodness, with work from three main points across the globe; Nigeria, Ghana and the UK.

In the coming weeks, we will be unveiling more of ourselves, our work and the talent and  art we’ve discovered. Buy first here is the face of Look Republic. Our face. We hope you love it as much as we do.

Twitter : @Look_Republic

Email us : lookrepublicquarterly@yahoo.com

Call us : +2348036968794

+2348024444111

LionessAllison
ILÉKTRA REPUBLIC
C.E.O

There Was A Girl………..

Published September 4, 2012 by lionessallison

There was a girl, she lived in a château, no , actually, she lived in a bungalow, her name was ATHENA… Athena was a girl of many talents, many dreams and many faith, she was fair and beautiful, physically petite , mentally strong yet emotionally weak. Athena cared most for her family, she loved the art and everything natural, and a day in Athena’s life ? Could go like this :

She wakes up in the morning with her first thought being what she dreamt about, “thank you Jesus” follows right after and that dark handsome guy whose memory she can’t seem to kick off her system. She sometimes take a moment to think of her life, imagine how the future could be, and she sometimes just pray , read a book and get the day started.

Athena knew a lot of friends, but had none, one of them once described her as someone who could sell an idea of a billion dollars without owning a kobo, she never gave up and there’s always a plan. Unfortunately for Athena, things don’t go the way she deserved, nothing was ever easy, she most believed in fairytale, but I doubt fairies like girls in bungalows very much.

Athena mostly goes from the happiest to the most depressed in one second, well, to be honest, that’s not very hard to achieve in her world, there was always something or someone to make her feel worse, especially the things or people she wouldn’t do the same to.

Athena was what you could call “The Good Girl” she goes to church, respects her elders, but wasn’t content with what she had, who could be content with a bungalow, working hard with no positive result to satisfy and people who don’t see your efforts because they love you too blindly to care that anything you did was good for you.

Now don’t get me wrong, she was grateful and happy but not content, and that right there, was her only crime, the passion to want to do more, give more, have more and make her life worth everything, which ever since she’d grown to take care of herself had been put to the most passion wrecking tests.

Athena , like you must’ve started adjusting to, was a warrior of many talents, from a little girl she built herself a wall, where all her secrets, emotions, talents, drive, passion, hope and father was kept. When she was with her biological family she wore he black lace dress, its lace because she hoped they might one day see her beautiful skin, they might see that she tries and that she needs them though not in the way they saw fit. When she was with the friends she knew she wore her yellow dress, its long, covering all her skin, she wants them to see how bright she is but doesn’t want to be SEEN. Well, she is seen alright, talk about centre of attention that yellow dress does get her into friend trouble, they like her, but would rather do without her….you know what I mean? But when Athena goes home to her father , with whom all her precious was kept, she was in her skin, she was white and she glows like a diamond, her eyes honey brown, her lips apple pink and her hair red as rose, she either goes to her father happy with great news that mostly always don’t last…… Or crying with her troubles that always don’t leave.

Athena would say:

“Father! I’m here again, the gifts you gave me are pretty, I’ve been using them well, but they always need repair and I don’t have the resources. That guy you sent me? He took me to dinner, he took me on a carpet ride to see the world, but his name wasn’t Aladdin, he dumped me in the ocean! The people I live with, they complain I don’t do it right, they say they know your plans for me and I’m ruining it? Am I? How could you tell them and not me? They don’t even know you like I do! Do I break my walls so they could see you?… Oh no… Won’t do. They won’t see you because they have no eyes!

Father,….why don’t I get what I deserve? Why don’t good things happen to me often or last when they do?

Father….. Do you still walk with me?…. Do you still hear me, father, I love you, will you show yourself to me again soon?…… This time I promise not to hide from fear of your Holiness,

Father….. are you there?”

and her Father, always only answers one question, “Yes, I AM HERE”

There was a girl, and ATHENA was her name.

LionessAllison
ILÉKTRA REPUBLIC
C.E.O

ill , Bored and Blogging

Published June 28, 2012 by lionessallison

A friend sent me this link to check out these photographs by a London based Nigerian photographer Obi Nwokedi, I absolutely love them……. So I’m ill today and I wanted to blog………. Yes, that’s about everything.. ENJOY!

LionessAllison
ILÉKTRA REPUBLIC
C.E.O

LOOK REPUBLIC QUARTERLY

Published June 22, 2012 by lionessallison

LOOK republic, a vision birthed from the dire need to embrace the diversification and unlimited opportunities in the world of fashion, is a multi – faceted brand designed to show fashion in its originality and creativity.

There is so much going on in the world of fashion today, ranging from new trends to new designs, to new models, new fashion concepts and a whole lot of stuff. The competition keeps getting fired up by the second that it becomes very impossible to notice anything short a high level of creativity and originality. In response to this, LOOK republic has been set on a course to showcase fashion through different eyes by creating an avenue for growing fashion enthusiasts such as fashion designers, make up artistes, shoe and bag makers, jewelers and accesory makers, etc.to stand out in this ever increasing world of fashion.

Look republic is divided into three major aspects; the publication of a quaterly released fashion magazine termed LOOK REPUBLIC QUARTERLY (LRQ) , trunk fashion shows hosted quarterly and an anual fashion reality tv show. The company intends to launch with its Fashion magazine – LOOK REPUBLIC QUARTERLY, in September 2012.

Also refered to as “the country of fashion”, LOOK REPUBLIC QUARTERLY magazine intends to capture a wide scope of audience from around the globe. In view of this, a replica of the magazine would be created online to avoid any form of limits in distance to our readers from around the globe.

The goal for the magazine is to create a republic of fashion worthy to contend with world class magazine like vogue and the likes.
The first publication would feature fashion designers, make up artists, shoes and bag makers, stylists, illustrators, and every other fashion enthusiasts from Nigeria, London and Ghana, in our various segments.
Exciting articles, fashion forecasts, advertisements and a bunch of captivating designs promises to grace the magazine. Wow!!! Thoughts of its richness just raises goose bumps all over our skins! We are so excited, we cannot wait. Our partners all over, especially our followers on twitter, facebook, and fans who daily visit our sites are all in high spirits as they immensely await our launch, they are by themselves spreading the word, such that we dont even have to speak so much.

Our PR agents and the team as a whole are working tirelessly and most importantly excitedly, to ensure a grand launch. There is no doubt that this promises to be a master piece of our time.

We therefore emplore the general public,

to keep their ears wide open for our progress reports that would be constantly disemminated through out this period.
Supporters can also participate with us through our online channels. We are on twitter; @Look_republic , facebook; http://www.facebook.com/look-republic , and our blogsite/temporary website page; www. Lionessallison.com and http://lookrepublicmag.tumblr.com .

We welcome all your participations, supports and contribution as we look forward to achieving indeed a Fashion Republic (a country of fashion) through the LOOK REPUBLIC, where the only language spoken is FASHION!

You can contact us through the following ways;
Office:
16, Ogunshefunmi Street, off akinremi, anifowoshe, Ikeja.
Email: lookrepublicquarterly@yahoo.com; ilektrarepublic@yahoo.com
Phone Numbers: 08036968794; 08024444111.

Thank You.

LionessAllison
ILÉKTRA REPUBLIC
C.E.O

How to Prevent Fear from Affecting Your Love, Sex & Dating Life by America’s Fear Expert Stan Popovich

Published April 19, 2012 by lionessallison

Many people allow fear to become a factor in their relationships. Sometimes that fear can overwhelm a person to the point that it interferes with their relationships.

Here’s how not to let fear be a factor in your relationships!

1. Determine if you really want to be in a relationship.

Do you want to be in a relationship or do you prefer to be by yourself? If you do, then what type of relationship do you want to be in? You need to determine what works best for you and what makes you happy.

[Editor’s Note: Sometimes we’re afraid to be single or we think that we’re supposed to be in a relationship. We don’t want to be wrong about making a love mistake so we stay when we should go.]

2. Do not be afraid of being alone.

Some people get into a relationship to avoid being alone. This is not a good idea because you are forcing something that may just not work out in the long run. We will all have to spend some time alone in our lives. Don’t let loneliness become an issue in your relationships.

3. Listen to your heart.

It is fine to get advice from your friends, however you are the one who has to decide if you want to remain in your current relationship. Do what is best for you and the person your involved with. Don’t make decisions on what other people want.

4. Take advantage of the help that is available around you.

Talk to a professional who can help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem.  By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future.  Remember that it never hurts to ask for help.

5. Learn to manage your negative thoughts. 

When you are fearful, you will tend to think of negative things. When this happens remind yourself that worry exaggerates the problems you have and that things will get better. Try to avoid negative thoughts and remain positive.

6. Give yourself time.

Do not feel pressured into getting into a relationship. It takes two people to make a relationship work. If you are not sure what to do, then tell your  significant other that you need some time to think. Don’t rush into something that you might regret.

7. Learn to take it one day at a time.

Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems.

8. Worrying will make things worse.

All the worrying in the world will not change anything. All you can do is to do your best each day, keep hope alive and when something does happen, take it in stride.  If you still have trouble managing your anxiety of the future then talking to a counselor or clergyman can be of great help. There are ways to help manage your fear and all it takes is some effort to find those answers.

9. Focus on the facts of your situation and not your thoughts.

Focus on the facts of your current situation. Determine what about your current relationship makes you fearful. Make a list of things that make your nervous or fearful and then focus on those ways that will reduce your fears and anxieties. Again, if you need help, talk to a professional.

10. Be smart in how you deal with your fears and anxieties.

Do not try to tackle everything all at once. When facing a current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, break the task into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

11. Learn from your mistakes in your past relationships.

It takes practice and a lot of effort to maintain a successful relationship. Try to learn what you did right and what you need to improve on. If you still have trouble, then talk to a professional who can give you additional advice.

12. There are always other options. 

You may feel lost and confused but the answers to your specific problems are out there. The key is that you have to find the answers. The answers to your problem will not come to you. As mentioned before, the first step in finding the solution to your problem is to seek help from a qualified professional!

This is good advise, I’m sometimes scared too, though for absolutely different reasons from above, but the solutions seem to add up. Must say though, I do not believe in shrinks as I’m not a fan of relationship experts, marriage experts , etc…… You’d get as much or better advise from a good friend or an EXPERIENCED man or woman you trust….. But if you’d prefer to pay to get advise from someone who hasn’t walked in your shoes? Well, people gatto eat! —–» LionessAllison

LionessAllison
ILÉKTRA REPUBLIC
C.E.O

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